After a breakup about two years ago that left me too emotionally paralyzed to entertain dating anyone, I sequestered myself from civilization. I can still remember the pain as if it were today. Sadly, the love for this man was far greater than for myself and the very reason for my existence was devoted to him. Crying myself to sleep nearly every night for nearly six months, I barely had the will to get out of bed, let alone learn self-love.
Through the moments of hysteria, I encountered small moments of epiphanies which were usually from a small platitude that hit me so hard, it was as if I had been smacked on the head. One fateful evening I realized that the end was to become the first day of the rest of my life and that was when the wallowing ceased and when I started to become my own best friend.
After the heartache
During the recession, I placed a strong emphasis on cultivating self-worth, delved much deeper into the esoteric, found what makes my inner fire burn, and learned to be the love of my own damn life. It certainly wasn’t an easy trek. I was consumed with so many tears, truths, and painful lessons surfacing to the forefront, but I also wouldn’t dare trade it in for anything else.
Somewhere along the way, the much-needed winds of change blew in my direction and the things that I once valued no longer took precedence. He eventually became a figment of my imagination. He became someone that I used to know. Relationships with those who I thought were friends resulted in me saying good riddance. My relationship with family prioritized my time. Material possessions became a waste of space.
Attaining what I thought to be the idyllic status quo was no longer of any importance to me. In fact, I started to view it as settling for mediocrity whereas true success meant blazing your own trails while creating and defining what success means. Spending countless hours on the internet perusing clothing sites all at an attempt to validate myself germinated into taking courses on various topics that piqued my interest. Going out partying every night ceased when I decided once and for all that I was going to abstain from alcohol. Bouncing in and out of intimate relationships came to a halt when I decided that I needed to be in a nurturing relationship with yours truly.
Fantasizing about traveling solo became reality. Relishing my oasis of solitude became my life. I became my own best friend.
Changes happen through small steps
How did the culmination of my drastic lifestyle changes to come to fruition? Baby steps. For everything that was no longer serving me, I simply said that it was no longer a part of my lifestyle and would weed them out of existence. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have, so rather than viewing certain things as an act of deprivation, I embarked on goal setting towards what I wanted to bring into my life. I started living as the person that I know I am rather than wishing and hoping to be the person that I so desperately craved to be.
It’s all about self-psychological manipulation. We constantly put ourselves in a state of negativity with our thoughts, which means that we can just as early brainwash ourselves into thinking positive. The bottom line is that our thoughts manifest into reality which means that we are the creators of our own destiny, the architects of our future, the very epitome of what we think.
Of course, it’s difficult to change your ways after being so accustomed to less than ideal habits, but the key is to keep on trucking. I didn’t beat myself up when goals weren’t reached but rather kept persevering until what I wanted became a part of my life. There were even times that I repeatedly floundered at the same thing, that putting whatever goal on a temporary hiatus until I was truly ready for it was the best outcome for my own sanity.
If anything, my failures propelled me to strive harder to accomplish my goals because every victory was the result of a thousand failed attempts. The fact of the matter is that I needed to change my ways and the breakup was the cataclysmic event which changed my life for the better. I actually attribute that breakup as the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. It led me to become the woman that I was aspiring to be but always lacked the courage and confidence to become.
There is magic
If we all coast through life living in our comfort zone without any trials and tribulations, we would never reach our fullest potential. Sometimes what we deem as a tragedy is truly a blessing in disguise for the roads that we’re forced to traverse, as bumpy and rocky as they may be, wind up being filled with magic at the end.
But don’t go seeking the magic. Just open your eyes wide enough to see it.