A student of mine recently wrote to me:
“My twin flame married another woman. How do I stop being in such agony that I no longer want to live? I just needed him to acknowledge my pain, I need him to hear me out and at least tell me that he understands how I feel. Instead, he chose to ghost me, avoid every conversation and went silent…Then I found out he just had a baby. I feel like I can’t live without him and I don’t want any other man ever again.”
As tough as this situation is and as much as we all can sympathize with the enormous pain one can feel when losing someone they love, the truth is that we can never force anyone to do anything that isn’t true for them.
Sometimes in the physical realm, we choose to walk different paths to learn lessons that our Twin flame cannot teach us. Don’t judge your twin flame for it. We never see the full picture of what they go through and what inner battles they are fighting. In this particular example of finding out that your twin flame had a baby few months after you’ve met, I would encourage you to see it from his perspective: “If you were him, twin flame or not, would you leave your pregnant wife for someone else just before your baby is due to be born?” or try this “If it was your husband who had a baby on its way with you and he just met his twin flame, would you like him to leave you for ‘the other woman’ – his twin”? I am sure he thought about it a million times because our twin flames feel it as intensely as we do. But not all of us fall head over hills to pursue a passionate romance.
Most twins do what’s right/expected by society and not what’s true to their heart. That is the exact purpose of this healing journey; – journey back to our own heart first so that we can see clearly. From the moment your twin chose ‘the other woman’ he would have likely been ‘pastured’ by his higher self to reconnect, acknowledge and honor his heart and his feelings for you. This journey is often the hardest journey a human takes in his/ her life because all of us are programmed to doubt the heart, fear the unknown, only trust the logical mind and do what others expect of us morally, even if we have to sacrifice our own heart. But trust that your twin flame will be guided to heal too, just in a different way. Send him love and allow this connection to manifest in whatever form is best for you both, without any attachments and expectations.
Twin flame labels aside, we need to understand that every single one us is an independent sovereign being, powerful, grown-up and therefore responsible for their own decisions. Let’s elaborate on some of the key points mentioned in the question from Cynthia (I changed her name to protect her identity):
1. “I need you to acknowledge my pain”
Whenever we demand that other people acknowledge something that we feel, we are seeking approval and validation from the external environment. More often than not, this never comes and even if in rare circumstances we receive such validation, it will not do much to help us. The closure that we seek has to come from us. It needs to come from realizing that it’s enough that we acknowledge our own pain. We don’t need validation from others/ the external. That’s the whole point of this spiritual journey; – learning to re-connect with our own inner truth (our higher self) that represents the spiritual body. We are guided to transcend the wound of separation and understand that in the spiritual realm our twin flame is already with us and there is nothing missing. Chasing and demanding that someone else does something to make us feel better is a complete waste of our energy because we cannot control them. Unless you decide that you are ready to feel your own pain, validate it and then release it, you won’t be able to progress in your spiritual evolution and may, therefore, feel stuck.
2. “I can’t live without my Twin Flame, I need him/ her to complete me”
A few years ago, someone has put all sorts of articles on the internet claiming that we only have 1 twin flame and that we ‘must’ unite with them in the physical, otherwise life is not worth living. The amount of suffering that this ‘attachment’ to the idea of ‘the one’ caused millions of women and men around the world is quite unprecedented. Combined with the increased levels of loneliness caused by mass awakenings and the rise of anxiety and depression around the world in the past few years, it is not surprising that the promise of finding ‘The one’ who makes us feel whole and solves all of our problems is a very enticing prospect.
But the truth is that:
The more you focus on finding fulfillment, love, and happiness from the external environment and people to fill the void within you, the more depressed and unhappy you will be.
This is because of 2 very important reasons. One is that you cannot control the external environment and people as they are on their own journey and everyone is truly doing the best they can, giving their level of consciousness and circumstances. And secondly, the more your focus on someone or something outside of you to fill your void, the more you are distancing yourself from your inner world and not addressing the root cause of your suffering.
3. The root cause of your suffering
Having been navigating my own twin flame journey over the past 6 years, including the fact that my own twin flame has married someone else, I can tell you one thing for sure:
The more attached you get to the idea of needing to control your twin flame connection and have it all done your way, the more painful it will be for you to navigate this spiritual journey.
Why? Because your attachment to having it your way is a mask for underlying fear that represents your insecurities and core wounds. If you find yourself attached to beliefs such as ‘I must unite with my twin flame at all costs’ or still obsessing about how, when and in what circumstances your reunion happens, your ego is well and truly running your life.
It’s important to understand that your ego’s main job is to keep you safe, in your comfort zone and help you survive. The ego doesn’t like change, it doesn’t like not knowing what’s coming (be in the unknown) and it most certainly doesn’t like not being in charge. The way you recognize if your ego is running the show is by asking yourself if your beliefs are driven by fear e.g. fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being enough, fear of not having your needs met, fear of loss and others.
True 5th-dimensional love that we are guided to embody in our Twin Flame journey is based on freedom. It is unconditional and this means letting go of all attachments (mental or emotional) that are holding us tied to beliefs that we cannot survive without the person we consider to be our twin flame. Of course, you can survive and even much more than that! The more you release these perceived attachments, the lighter and more empowered you’ll feel! This is because you are learning to transcend limitations and come up victorious knowing that you have the power to shift out of victimhood consciousness into something much greater; – what I call “The Creator consciousness”.
4. Detachment leads to flow:
Most people immensely struggle with letting go of control as well as letting go of the things, people and expectations they’ve had because it throws us out of our comfort zone exactly into that place of “unknown” which brings up anxiety, makes us feel unsafe and vulnerable to being rejected or hurt. So we avoid it like a plaque.
But the truth is that when we let go and step into the unkown that’s where true magic really happens. The unknown represents unlimited opportunities and when you open yourself up to receiving unexpected miracles and blessings flow your way. Even the last step of the Law of Attraction says: ‘After you’ve asked the Universe, feel what it’s like having it, you must release your desire trusting that it will manifest at the perfect Divine timing’. The element of trust is another challenge in the process of letting go. You can only truly release something that you love and cherish when you trust that what is meant for you will never miss you. This requires surrender to the process and faith in being supported.
Many people unconsciously operate from limiting beliefs such as: “I must control this because if I don’t do it, nobody will do this for me” or “Nobody supports me” which are fear-based and incredibly limiting in nature. From this level of consciousness, you can never attract anything that you desire because control = fear. And fear only attracts more of fear-based experiences into your life.
So, my recommendation is to release all expectations around how your Twin flame journey should go which will help you to simply ALLOW what’s in your highest good to manifest in this lifetime.
5. How do you let go with grace?
Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to be proactive about your healing and what you are feeling. When I allow myself to fully feel what I feel, it loses its power over me and I can heal…
Letting go of ritual:
- Acknowledge your feelings and validate your pain.
- Express your pain, don’t hold it in. Cry, scream and release all grief.
- Dig deeper to understand what fears sit below your pain e.g. fear of being alone, fear of not finding anyone else.
- Stop being a victim and blaming others. Remind yourself that you are not a victim but a powerful creator of your experience. Everything happens for a reason and this too is teaching you to validate an existing pain within you and then release it, which will help you raise your vibration and attract nice people and experiences into your life.
- Forgive your Twin flame and yourself.
- Make the decision to let go and surrender to your highest and best possible outcome in this situation. Set your twin flame free, knowing that he or she is also on their own journey, learning and growing at their own speed and that’s ok. Wire in empowering beliefs such as “Universe loves me and supports me” or “It’s safe for me to let go and trust”
- Commit to healing and releasing every limitation and disempowering attachment out of your mind and heart to set yourself free from suffering, which opens up space for magic, flow, and unexpected opportunities to come your way.
- Practice self-soothing and nurturing. Self-love and self-care is the fastest way to living your life to its fullest.
- Focus on the present — the here and now — and all that brings you joy. If you can’t find what brings you joy – start looking for that. Explore, experience, test, learn and discover the various joys of life. Lose yourself in the pursuit of knowing yourself so intimately and filling your every void from the inside that you’ll never need anyone else to complete you.
Because the truth is that your Twin Flame is your greatest mirror. They appear in the stage of your life when you are ready for some deep healing and transformation to occur to bring you back into your most authentic self. They are not here to hold your hand like a traditional 3-dimensional relationship with a soulmate. Your twin flame is here to kick your but spiritually to make you commit to yourself like you’ve never done before. Your twin flame is here to remind you that the one you were looking for all along is; – YOU.