As a normal worldly ritual, everyone thinks of marriage as ‘a beautiful bond between husband and wife’, wherein the two lead a good and happy life. Following the societal norm, we too dream about getting married and look forward to having a lifetime companion in the form of a partner and a loving family whom we can call our own and who will be there to look after us in the later stage of life. And as we reach the marriageable age, our parents also begin to insist that we get married soon.
Parents never divulge the pain and suffering involved in married life. But, we as children, although unintentionally, have observed our parents’ behavior with each other. And consciously and subconsciously, we’ve evaluated the meaning of marriage from our individual perspective. Many research reports reveal how parents’ relationship plays an important role in forming a child’s opinion for getting married.
So what does your evaluation tell you after seeing your parent’s marriage?
Are you still keen on getting married or have you changed your opinion about it? After seeing your parents’ marriage, do you get a sense of feeling that marriage is severe bondage and it is best not to get trapped in it, or do you feel one should taste its fruits anyway?
The real deal behind married life
We seldom find a couple living a genuinely happy married life and following the ideal ways of interacting with each other. On every small little thing, there are arguments, fights, quarrels, conflicts, and whatnot the whole day long, because each has one’s own way of doing things, has one’s own opinion on the importance of everything, and has independent views on matters that are mostly trivial and which mean nothing.
For instance, the mother is constantly arguing about how important it is to buy something as her eye is on the 10% discount available on it, whereas the father’s counter-argument is loaded with excuses why it should not be bought, as he is worried about the 90% cost involved in it.
Both, working on their respective agendas, expect the other person to understand them. Even if one adjusts and gives in at times, there immediately builds in an expectation that the other should now adjust next time. To each, one’s own wishes and expectations is what matters, and this becomes the prime reason for a constant rift between every husband and wife, be it your mother and father or be it any other married couple, because it is practically impossible for anyone to fulfill all the expectations and wishes that a person may have in this world.
Seeing parents’ unhappy married life, children often think ‘what is the real purpose of getting married, if we are not going to find any happiness in it?’
And since the whole purpose is defeated, many children come to a conclusion of not getting married after seeing their parent’s marriage.
Mindful celibacy as an option
If you are one who has decided not to get married, make sure you complement it with an aim to live a rightful life.
If your opinion of not getting married is coupled with an interest in following celibacy, it is a huge step in the direction of your ultimate liberation from all sufferings. In such a case you should maintain a strong inner intent and desire to attain self-realization and follow celibacy.
Practicing celibacy is very good indeed, but provided it is practiced with right understanding. Such brahmacharya practices not only makes your body and mind strong but also leads us to the experience of the bliss of our real Self. So if this really interests you, you may pray to God every day, asking Him for strength and right understanding to practice brahmacharya correctly under the shelter of a Guru who can rightly guide you in making spiritual progress and bring you inner peace and eternal joy.
The path of Gnani (Guru) is the path that leads to happiness! Once you happen to meet a Gnani, you will rise to a higher spiritually.
Having attained Self-Realization from Him and following His given principles, you can then also help your parents live a harmonious life together, by inspiring them to take a higher path. When they adopt the right understanding given by Gnani, it will resolve their daily conflicts and they will find real happiness.