1. “You will never have to live this day again.” She said this on my very first memorably bad day, coming home from school unable to stop sobbing. I reuse it whenever trying to console someone after specific pains.
2. My mom said, “You young people get confused about dates, a date is just suppose to be a fun get together with someone, not meaning you’re picking out life partners and deciding what house to buy. Just go out on a date, and have fun together, stop taking it so serious.”
3. “Happiness is just having something to look forward to.”
You had your issues, mom, but this advice has served me well.
4. “If you dislike someone for a character trait, make sure you don’t have the same one. Things that annoy you in others, might be things you do yourself.”
5. Something my grandfather told her, then she told me: “Hugs and handshakes, give them like you mean it.”
6. “Look in the mirror and see if you see a friend in there.
If you don’t, take a longer look and get the friend back.”
7. When I was a pre-teen she told me: “As you get older you’re going to think everyone around you is changing. It’s not them that are changing, it’s how you see the world that is changing.”
I thought that was super weird advice, but as I got older and started to see adults for who they really were it really made sense. They weren’t changing, I’d just never noticed that side of them before. I genuinely think it’s why I wasn’t a bratty teen, because I knew my parents were still the same parents, I was just seeing everything differently.
8. When I fist logged into facebook, when I was 14, my mom told me that: “The internet is like a postcard, of course you can write every little secret onto it, but you have to expect that everyone can read it.”
I think many teens should know that.
9. “Be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you’ve been mean to someone, they won’t believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it’s time to stop being nice. Then destroy them.”
10. My mom said that I should listen to the advice I give to other people. For years that didn’t make sense, but recently all the pieces seem to fall in place. Especially the advice I gave my mom, is now applicable to myself. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in that regard.
11. “It took me 9 months to make your heart, don’t let someone break it in a day, people will come and go in your life but your mother will always love you.”
12. “Have more money than he does.”
It sounds really sexist, and it is, but my mom was raised by an abusive father. Whenever he wanted to make a point, he walked out on the family for a few months to stay in some hotel so my mom, and her mom, would be eating out of dumpsters.
I’ll be damned if I don’t have enough money that I can afford to leave the MINUTE any guy hits me.
13. “The man you belong with is the man who you would be proud to have your future son be just like.”
Really wish I took this to heart earlier.
14. If there’s an uncomfortable feeling in your gut about a person, situation, or place, go with it. Listen to it and either protect yourself or gtfo.
15. “Place yourself first!” (This advice may sound selfish but since she knows me quite well she was trying to say to be more selfish because I tend to be a people pleaser and she recognized that — thanks Mom!)
16. “Act like you belong wherever you are.” Interact with as many people as possible, you never know, the people you meet can help you in the future.
17. “Always listen to the other side of the story.” She told me to give everyone a fair chance because I would want the same.
18. “Just because many people agree on something doesn’t mean that they are right, just that many people are idiots.”
I think she told me when I was 10 or so. Never forgot it.
19. “Always have enough money to get out of a situation and an exit strategy.” She said it about dates, but it’s good advice in general.
20. In exasperation, my mom told me, “When you show up late, it tells people that you think your time is more important than theirs.”
I used to be cronically late to nearly everything. And that statement just crushed me because I love my mom and my friends and would never purposely be disrespectful. I had just never looked at it that way before. I’m rarely late anymore and it’s been amazing how something so seemly small has improved my relationships and has all around made my life better and less stressful than I could have expected. Wish Mom would have laid into me sooner.
21. “Water finds it’s own level.”
Essentially, everything will work out in the end the way it should work out/ karma evens out in the end. Yea, there might be periods that suck and seem like things aren’t going to be ok, but in the end they will be.
22. “You have to be happy being single before you can be happy in a relationship.”
23. “Don’t rely on others for your happiness.”
I found out the hard way that it’s unhealthy and puts a lot of pressure on relationships.
24. “The world will send you where it wants you to be.” That was my mum’s take on fate. I don’t really believe in fate, but at certain times in my life that statement really calmed me down and stopped me from obsessing about things I can’t control.
25. “Honey, never keep a man for rent.” Said to me while I was crying after getting back from vacation to find my shitty boyfriend had spent all the bill money on drugs and the house trashed, the animals neglected. I lost my shit and had a screaming fight with him and kicked him out then called my mom. She came over and I was panicking about how me and my friend could afford rent without him and that I should keep dating him to afford the rent. I took her advice and she was right!
26. “We don’t know who discovered water, but we know it wasn’t a fish.”
When you’re in a situation it can be very hard to be objective; no matter how hard you are trying to see what you’re going through, you will never have the perspective of those who aren’t. Trust your loved ones who aren’t immersed in “water” to tell you when something is wrong.
27. “Marry your best friend. They already know all the good AND bad things about you, but they choose to be your friend anyways.”
28. That I don’t have to justify anything I do to anybody else. This was just a few weeks ago; my husband and I have been making some pretty major life decisions and my coworkers have been interrogating me about my choices and trying to lecture me (they are all about 20 years older than me). I was venting about this and my Mom gave the above advice.
29. “Life isn’t fair, deal with it.” Sounds pretty harsh but my parents are very straightforward people and honestly I’ve used this a lot. I really work hard for everything I have and I know that things aren’t going to just be given to me, I’m going to have to work for them and I still may not get all the things other people have.
30. “Put yourself in their shoes” a reminder that everyone perceives life differently. It has helped me be more empathetic even when I have felt wronged by someone. Too many people only think about themselves, without even realizing that is what they are doing.
31. “If you tell one lie, you’ll have to tell another, and another.” It’s easier to tell the truth.
32. “No one is as concerned with your appearance as you think they are.” Between my own insecurities and my sisters, my mom did a great job of constantly reassuring us we are beautiful in our own ways.
33. “No matter where you go, or what you’re doing, someone will always be in your way.”
34. My mom once told me: “I used to get mad at your dad because he’s bad at remembering dates/anniversaries. Then one day I just decided that’s just how he is, and not worth getting upset over.”
It may sound like she’s compromising, but I always took it as “people are who they are.”
35. “Kill them with kindness.” Even if someone is being a dick to you, just respond by being very nice back. It will make them look like an even bigger asshole and make you look good in the process.
36. She told me this in Hindi but it translates to: “Never hurt someone’s heart.”
37. “Not my circus, not my monkey.”
Which means, of its not your problem why are you worrying about it. Worrying about it will make it your problem.
38. “You are what you hang with.” Always made me critical of who I surrounded myself with after I really learned what she meant. Basically keep good company.
39. “If you ever want to do something just ask the worst thing they can say is no.” As someone who was really shy but wanted to get involved in a lot of activities in school this helped me a lot.
40. “Haste makes waste.”
I find myself repeating this to myself every time I’m in a rush to do something, and how I should have planned my time better.
41. “Make sure he loves you more.” I never understood this until I got my heart broken again and again, and now I finally think I understand what she meant. She wasn’t be callus when she said it, she was saying that women (for whatever reason) tend to love more, and love harder, and so are more susceptible to being hurt. I’ve been in two long term relationships, both of which were physically abusive. I stayed, and I loved and I got hurt badly each time. Now, I’m in a relationship with a man who’s open to showing affection with me, who cares about me and what I think, and who I don’t question whether or not he loves me or find myself fighting for his attention or love.
Btw, my mom’s not some crazy feminist and her and my dad have been happily married for 28 years.
42. My mom told me what her dad told her before she had kids: “The moment you bring a child into this world you owe them everything and they owe you nothing.”
In the type of environment I work in, there are so many parents in this world that don’t understand this. It was never the choice of the child to be born. You chose for them to be alive. While it may be nice they return the favor of taking care of you when you reach an old age, don’t assume they’re obligated to.
Don’t get me wrong… it’s tragic when a child doesn’t want to be part of a healthy relationship with their parent(s) (key word here being healthy). But the sad fact is… it’s their choice.
43. “You don’t have the right to ruin anybody’s day.” It’s a simple and probably very optimistic advice when it comes to some very annoying people, but I try to follow it whenever I can.
44. “You can’t please the world so you have to please yourself.”
That and, “don’t settle for something that is similar to what you want; be patient and save up for what you really want.”
45. My two favorites from my mom:
“Never trust anyone whose flaws you can’t see. It means they’re hidden deep.”
“As a parent, don’t pat yourself on the back or blame yourself for how they turned out until they’re 40.”
46. “Never hit anybody. Unless they hit first, then go to town.”
I’ve never been violent, but I’m still glad I was told to stand up for myself.
47. “Even if you love each other sooo much and he is so sorry and it will never happen again, if he hits you, you leave.”
48. My mom always said and has always taught me to respond to situations instead of react to them.
49. “Sometimes you won’t be in love with your husband. But it will be your commitment to stay together that keeps your marriage working. And then one day, you find yourself back in love with them.”
50. “You don’t regret money spent on travel.”
My mom was always kind of thrifty and we traveled cheaply, but we traveled.
To convince me her advice was solid, she asked the adult me if I remembered what our couch looked like when I was 12, or what I got for Christmas. I couldn’t remember. Then she said, “What about the trip we took the Grand Canyon that summer?” Memories galore.