Letting go of someone you still very much love is one of the most difficult things to do in the world. But unfortunately, circumstances can force us to make that move at times. But for me, it is next to an impossible task. So what do I do now, is the question before me.
But while my thinking process was completely paralyzed and there was nothing but darkness before my eyes, I saw a ray of light! I seemed to have got the answer from what the Spiritual Master, Pujya Deepakbhai, has said. It clicked that the best thing to do in order to get over a long-term relationship, in which you still very much love the person is to take your love to a higher level!
Sounds absurd? It actually totally makes sense!
Take Your Love To A Higher Level
To develop love of a higher level, Pujya Deepakbhai advises to do the following:
- Minimize your expectations.
- Do not see faults of the person you love. Do not have any negativity for that person.
- Do not hurt the other person.
- Do not keep any conditions.
- If any untoward behavior is done by the other person, then I must understand that ‘this is a result of my past karma; I have to see the person as a Pure Soul only and always have immense love for his or her Pure Soul.’
- Never talk any negative of the person whom you love, to anybody else. Say only positive.
Then your love will elevate to a higher level. He finally added a very subtle point to it, “Remove even this expectation of yours that ‘I want to elevate my love.’ There is love, just let it be.”
This made me feel completely light — as if my burden was totally offloaded and scattered into thin air.
I was beginning to understand what Pujya Deepakbhai was trying to convey. It pushed me to understand what he meant so that I could do whatever it takes, correctly and perfectly. Because here was a solution where I could face the present circumstances, without having to forsake my love for the person.
What love is
All along, we have understood things based on what we’ve been taught or what we’ve gauged from our own experiences. But listening to Pujya Deepakbhai’s discourses gave me a chance to review these concepts in the light of right understanding, based on sound principles of spirituality.
- I realized what I regarded as love is really called attachment. And attachment by its very nature is associated with expectations. I always thought I had no expectations. But, after understanding this principle of attachment I could see a long list of demands I had from my partner. Better late than never! So, I let go of all my past expectations, after which I felt really nice.
- Next, I realized that attachment is a seed from which so many negative emotions of hatred, anger, jealousy, dejection, etc. can arise. When our expectations cannot be fulfilled by the person for whom we have deep attachment, we experience negative emotions and end up seeing the fault of that person, even when we know the person is innocent. On introspection, I could see so many instances, where for no good reason, negativity had got generated in my mind. Realizing my mistakes, I daily sat before God for about an hour and confessed each of my mistakes before Him. I apologized with a true heart, and vowed to God every time that, “Never ever do I want to repeat these mistakes. So, please give me the strength to overcome them.”
- No matter how positive our intentions may be; due to over-attachment, both or one of the two will inevitably end up getting hurt. We feel we intensely care for each other, which is a valid argument, no doubt. But attachment also makes us possessive and attachment creates in us a feeling of insecurity, which worsens the matter, because when the person we love gets hurt, it hurts us only the most. This realization culminated into a firm determination in the witness of God “May my partner never be hurt again by my deeds of action, speech or even in thoughts”
- These lessons helped me get over the pain of all the bruises and wounds that I was experiencing within, and it greatly helped me get over the guilt too of all the bruises and wounds that I had caused to the other person in the relationship. It made me resolve that henceforth, in any event, I will not keep any conditions on my partner. And as Pujya Deepakbhai advised, if any untoward behavior happens by my partner, I will understand that ‘this is a result of my past karma only’. I will see my partner as a Pure Soul and always have immense love for the Pure Soul.
How do I see the Pure Soul and have love for the Pure Soul?
This is the master key!
When you love the Soul, you are able to love the person unconditionally and constantly. This love is not dependent then on any relationship created by society or any external circumstances; this love gives rise to the real relationship that is based on purity and real love. This love is called Real love as it is always devoid of any expectations, devoid of any negative reactions, frustrations, irritations or abhorrence, is devoid of any hurt or conditions. It has no selfish motive or vested interest of its own.