Date in 2019. Get hurt. Worry about what it means. Worry that something is wrong with you. Live with this pit in your stomach until you decide you are ready to let go.
Light a candle next to or inside a crystal of your choosing while you ask your ancestors/the universe/whatever to help you let go so that you can
So that you can be wise enough to see the way forward,
even while you are stubborn enough to still want to plow ahead the way you were going.
Ask for patience.
Ask to feel loved and whole.
Ask that you might spend your time hoping only for that which is as good for the person you will love as it is for you.
Put on music that makes you feel the way you want to feel. Fever Ray or Joni Mitchell or Lana del Rey.
Cup your hands around your crystal.
Close your eyes and feel your ancestors/the universe/whatever gather around you to pry your eyes open even though it might hurt to let in the light.
Breathe in and out.
And every time you breath out
consider that the future you will live
could be better than the future you are currently hoping for.
Stick your tongue out and then exhale roughly.
Do this again and picture breathing out every errant hope you have that is getting in the way of the magic to come.
Do this maybe 5 times. Enough that you get over feeling silly and instead feel like you’ve expunged something from your body.
Breathe in and imagine your ancestors/the universe/whatever are hugging you.
Breathe in and imagine you are hugging you.
Bring your awareness to the fact that you are spending this time right now to take care of yourself. You are a good provider to yourself. You are doing the best you can.
Breathe in and out in whatever patterns you wish for as long as you wish until you feel ready to procede.
Remember that there is no way to get out of moving forward.
You are only going to be able to let go.
You are not going to magick him back to you.
Now maybe it’s time for some Stevie Nicks?
Lightly, carefully write your purpose on your wrapper. Light it from your candle and leisurely smoke while you finish the rest of the spell. You do not have to finish smoking whatever you light, but smoke enough that you can see the writing begin to burn away. You may work the spell in the presence of a trusted and supported loved one and share your weed with them. Follow your intuition, you always inherently know how to do this.
Now think about who you were when you first believed in love.
Play the music you played when you hoped for a knight on a white horse or a princess on a white horse or whatever happily ever after you thought was going to be the end of your journey.
Set the joint down and take breaks when needed.
Hydrate because you love your body like a nurturing mother — unconditionally.
Continually roll your shoulders back and let your sternum rise. Lift your body with hope toward the heavens and your spirit will follow.
Shuffle your tarot deck and absently think about your query. Repeat the motifs of the prayer you said when you lit your candle. Ask for wisdom. Commit to opening up. Shuffle.
Cut the deck and pull a card for the tarot’s advice. Place it under your crystal.
Smoke and listen to music and place your hands on your cards and cup them around your crystal and feel whatever you feel. Continue to ask for wisdom. Continue to listen instead of monologue. Ask for a visualization. Follow whatever visualizations appear. You are inherently intuitive and your gut will know what you are feeling and seeing. Do not worry about doing this “right”.
Shuffle through the deck with the cards facing up. Find a card that feels like it depicts the way you want to be going forward. If you want to be the one calling the shots, The Magician might be a good choice. If you’re ready for action, it might be The Chariot. Whatever feels good to you is the right choice.
Choose another card from the deck that you want to represent the outcome you are asking for. Remember that you aren’t asking for a specific person to come back. You’re asking for a feeling. Perhaps you want an ideal partnership for love and support in your life (Two of Cups), or to feel like you are giving back what you give (The Star). Whatever cards you choose are the right cards.
When you’re done extinguish your joint and your candle. Leave your tarot cards under your crystal in a windowsill for seven days. Feel thankful that you have a scaffolding for which to focus your anxieties on about this issue.
After seven days shuffle your tarot cards back into your deck. Notice a feeling of confidence that the future is a happy place for you. Feel lighter because you have left the baggage of the specific future you wanted with your ex behind. Roll your shoulders back again and deeply exhale and feel satisfied.