You might think that poison is always something you eat or drink, but that’s not the only things it can be. Sometimes it can be an emotion. Hate and jealousy are examples of such strong human feelings that can poison anything around you. It could be your spirit, soul, or relationships. The two are entirely different.
While being jealous is the feeling of wishing not to lose something that is important to you to someone else, hate is an intense feeling of dislike, animosity or anger towards an individual, group, entity, objects, behaviors, concepts or ideas. So let’s discuss each and how they can affect your family.
Are you feeling hateful?
Hate is a very intense feeling. It requires a lot of energy and effort to maintain. How do you move around with such an emotion weighing you down? You might have valid reasons to hate something or someone but what you fail to understand is that hate is more damaging for you than the person on the receiving end. This is best said in Siddhartha Buddha’s words:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
If you harbor any feelings of hate for yourself or anyone else, it is time to address that emotion before it becomes something dangerous.
The nature and effects of hate can be demonstrated through the Tale of Two Wolves, a Native American anecdote, in which a grandfather explained to his young grandson how he had two wolves inside of him which were struggling and battling for survival. One was a wolf of peace, love, and kindness and the other that of fear, greed, and hatred. The grandson then asked his grandpa which wolf would win. The grandfather replied, “The one you feed.”
This story has a lot of truth in it. The more you feed hate, the stronger it becomes.
How does hate affect your family?
You do not wake up one day and find yourself hating something or someone. Hate is taught or may originate from jealousy, envy or intense anger towards other people. When it goes unchecked, this feeling can be very destructive to you and your family.
Hatred overwhelms you and destroys your peace of mind. You become incapable of distinguishing right from wrong or the consequences of your actions. It brings temporary insanity and a state where your judgment becomes impaired. When you are in such a condition, it not only becomes difficult for you to trust people but other people will also begin to be distrustful of you.
The feeling of hate makes you ugly. You might be beautiful on the outside, but because of this negative attitude, your physical appearance won’t matter. The feeling cannot be hidden despite how you may try to pretend. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who has such an intense dislike for others.
Imagine what this strong feeling may do to your family. It can affect your behavior and even lead to you being violent or acting differently. Hateful thoughts are associated with loss of appetite, sleep, and self-control. It may lead to depression and low self-esteem.
As a parent, you may find yourself teaching and encouraging your child to hate the people you don’t like which is a big mistake. It is especially so if you unknowingly or knowingly make your kid hate the other parent while going through a rough divorce. Doing this has adverse effects on the child both emotionally and psychologically.
Can you control hate?
Yes, you can. Here’s how:
- Practice kindness and compassion – Remember, hate only grows stronger if you feed it. Hatred arises from dissatisfaction and being discontent. Being kind may bring a sense of calm and prevent anger from taking control.
- Take control of how you react to situations. If you don’t like something, evaluate yourself and determine if that is the most appropriate response.
- Exercise intelligence by showing patience and tolerance to negative emotions. Practice inner discipline by taking control of how you react to situations even when people find it dumb.
- Forgive – to be able to control the emotion of hatred towards yourself or others; you must learn first to forgive yourself then do the same to whatever caused that self-inflicted wound.
Are you jealous?
Being jealous is a feeling everyone experiences at some point in their lives. The story of Cain and Abel in the Bible is the best and typical example of how being jealous and envious can lead you to take extreme and drastic measures.
Being jealous is in most cases about you and not about the other person. When you experience it, you get the feeling that the person you desire should only show attention, love, and affection to you. It is associated with a sense of ownership and possessiveness. If you think that your partner is attentive to someone else, you become overwhelmed with anger and upset. Jealousy makes you imagine things. It originates from the feeling of being insecure, lacking trust, low self-esteem and the fear of being unworthy. If it gets out of hand, you can end up turning into a narcissistic individual. You might even accuse your partner of non-existent affairs, beat them, and offer them cold treatments.
What does jealousy do to your family?
Jealousy is extremely harmful to a relationship. It requires you to be constantly reassured by your partner that you are the only one. You might try to control your partner by regularly checking up on their whereabouts, monitoring their phone for texts, chats or emails from people that you feel threaten your relationship.
Jealousy leads to the loss of trust and respect. These two are the pillars of a healthy relationship. When you are jealous, it shows that you do not trust your partner and checking their phones for texts is a complete lack of respect for their personal space, privacy, and boundaries. Such actions will only strain your relationship. Jealous behavior leads to frequent arguments as your partner tries to prove their loyalty.
After a while, this becomes exhausting and drains your love for each other preventing your relationship from growing. Jealousy is always confused for love, but it is actually the opposite. Being a jealous person can cause stress, anxiety, bitterness and make you cruel. These might result in cancer, depression and even death.
How to control your jealousy
For healthy relationships, you must learn to deal with your jealous feelings.
- Learn to trust your partner regardless of the circumstances. The love and respect you have will conquer any outside threats.
- Try working on overcoming it with your partner on how to control your jealousy outbursts. Be patient and communicate with your partner because changing one’s beliefs is not an easy task.
- Heal your wounds and appreciate yourself more. Jealousy is caused mostly by a lack of self-esteem. However, it can also be due to the experience you had in previous relationships. Heal your wounds first and don’t judge your partner based on your ex’s behavior.
- Seek the help of a professional therapist. The intervention of a therapist may offer you guidelines on how to manage and cope with the causes that are driving it.
Hate and jealousy are ticking bombs that are ready to explode at any time. They destroy anything in their proximity – yourself, your partner, family and any of your relationships. Address your inner feelings which only hurt your health and let go of the hate and jealousy.
It’s your emotions which determine the quality of your life and they are the ones which are switched on when destiny decides to change the direction of your life. Think positively and you shall enjoy a happy, healthy life with your family. What you give is what you get!