Even though we are wired for love, being in love may be the scariest thing one can experience. We desperately want that one fulfilling relationship, yet we go to great lengths to avoid rejection and heartbreak.
Love and fear don’t mix.
Reflecting on my own life, I noticed how often I closed in an attempt to protect myself.
I shut people out.
I isolated under stress.
I didn’t want people to see I was having a hard time. Or worse, try to fix it.
Deep below the surface, I felt unworthy.
I thought I had to earn love.
Note: You don’t have to earn love. You are love.
I projected into the future. I saw the pain and isolation that would come if I continued down a path of fear.
I needed to make a change. I promised I would open my heart despite any pain, fear or disappointment.
I would not close, at any cost, at any discomfort.
I promised I would stay open.
Here, I share my process and ah-has that have helped me move through fear and live with an open heart – to live in the presence of love. And as it so happened I attracted an unbelievably big, beautiful, loving relationship.
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer served as my guide.
1. Realize your unending source of inner energy.
Inner energy is real.
“What you will see, if you watch carefully,” says Michael Singer, “is that you have a phenomenal amount of natural energy inside of you. It doesn’t come from food and it doesn’t come from sleep. This energy is always available to you. At any moment, you can draw upon it. It just wells up and fills you from inside. When you’re filled with this energy, you feel like you could take on the world.”
There is no limit to your inner energy.
Inner energy isn’t tangible, but it is very, very real.
Don’t underestimate it. Realize that it is always accessible and limitless.
Once you understand the truth about your inner energy, the next thing you must do is do everything in your power to keep your energy flowing.
2. Realize you’re always trying to avoid pain.
“The heart is where pain comes from. And this is why you feel so many disturbances as you go through the day. You have this core of pain deep in your heart. Your personality traits and behavior patterns are all about avoiding this pain.” – Michael Singer
When you attempt to avoid pain, you stop the natural flow of energy.
Pushing pain away does one thing – locks it inside. Nothing can get through.
Still life continues. Experiences get stuck. Layers build up. Fear intensifies.
It becomes so real you fight to control what’s happening around you.
If you are fighting life, you aren’t living it. Eventually, you become afraid of life itself.
3. Realize there’s nothing worth closing your heart over.
The voices in your head will tell you to close.
Your mind will replay the trauma of past events, pain, frustration and disappointment.
You will be deceived that the pain is too great and you must protect yourself. If you listen to these voices, your heart will close. Closing buries wounds and shuts out life.
Resist the temptation to avoid pain.
The price you pay for any temporary relief in the moment is too high.
Can you remember a time in the past that by closing you achieved a state of lasting joy and happiness?
4. Realize pain is a temporary shift in your energy.
It is possible to learn to relax in the midst of pain.
When you notice the first sign of constriction, become aware of where the painful experience is coming from. Watch the source of it. Let it pass through you.
Imagine yourself relaxing and releasing.
When you sit with pain and refuse to participate in the disturbance of your inner energy, a piece of pain leaves. Slowly you open your energy to the free-flow of love.
5. Develop a relationship with your inner energy.
There is a trade-off between fear and love.
New experiences are always unfolding. Your energy is always shifting. Become friendly with the whole of life. No expansion can take place without change.
At the same time, change is often uncomfortable. Remember, you are the magnificent human you are today because of all of your life experiences.
If you want more energy and want to have more love flow through your life, there is only one thing you must do: always keep your heart open.
Everything you desire is on the other side of fear: peace, joy, creativity, beauty, love.
Meditation is a gateway to keep your natural, unending, ever-flowing inner energy open. It releases accumulated stress and rebalances your mind-body-spirit. If you would like to deepen your understanding of meditation, click here to access a FREE 9-lesson eCourse: Spontaneous Meditation: The Easiest, Most Effective and Doable Way to Gain the Full Benefits of Meditation.